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Invade my kingdom, will you? Sophie huffed internally to herself, furrowing her brows and pushing several wet strands of her coppery hair from her face. It'd be straight to the dungeons with you if I were a real queen.
The girl crossed her arms, then continued walking. This person – a boy, she thought, by the shape of the silhouette – would most likely be too preoccupied with his own world to notice her, just like everyone else. Like mother and sis and nana. Just like everyone. The girl crinkled her nose in distaste, the streetlamp above her casting dark shadows across her face.
Her shoes sloshed noisily through the puddles as she trudged across the street, eying the boy (for she could tell that was what he was now) the whole time. He looked young, possibly around her age, though he could've been years older. Sophie sneered, shaking her head. He was ruining her rain, and he didn't even know it. She bit her lip and her shoes squelched loudly on the pavement as she came to a stop, sitting herself upon an old bench. If only she truly had the authority of a royal...
"If I had a dungeon," she found herself saying, albeit in a low voice, "I'd put all the people like you in it."
The girl crossed her arms, then continued walking. This person – a boy, she thought, by the shape of the silhouette – would most likely be too preoccupied with his own world to notice her, just like everyone else. Like mother and sis and nana. Just like everyone. The girl crinkled her nose in distaste, the streetlamp above her casting dark shadows across her face.
Her shoes sloshed noisily through the puddles as she trudged across the street, eying the boy (for she could tell that was what he was now) the whole time. He looked young, possibly around her age, though he could've been years older. Sophie sneered, shaking her head. He was ruining her rain, and he didn't even know it. She bit her lip and her shoes squelched loudly on the pavement as she came to a stop, sitting herself upon an old bench. If only she truly had the authority of a royal...
"If I had a dungeon," she found herself saying, albeit in a low voice, "I'd put all the people like you in it."
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Okay, this is in the beginning of the Watercry series.
I didn't post most of these segments earlier because I didn't want to take credit for what my friend has written. She said I could post these parts just because the story would make way more sense, so please don't be upset that this isn't my writing!
The segments got much lengthier as we got more excited with writing this story together. We have a long ways to go still!
I didn't post most of these segments earlier because I didn't want to take credit for what my friend has written. She said I could post these parts just because the story would make way more sense, so please don't be upset that this isn't my writing!
The segments got much lengthier as we got more excited with writing this story together. We have a long ways to go still!
© 2012 - 2024 AloiseBrennan
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Oooooh a story! Is this still ongoing? Finished? Abandoned? I'm pretty far back in your gallery still, so it's not clear from my perspective, I'm afraid <.<
I know this isn't your writing, but just thought I'd mention: one thing to keep in mind with prose (-most of the time-, not always) is to cut out words that don't actually add anything to the meaning of the sentence. Like "Sophie huffed internally to herself" could probably be cut down to "Sophie huffed." If the lack of quotation marks aren't enough for you to imply it being internal, then keep either the "internal" or the "to herself" but not both. Just something to note in general. Sometimes you'll want to add redundancies to deliberately create a dragging feel to a sentence, but usually you want prose to be compact and forceful.
I look forward to seeing where this goes!
I know this isn't your writing, but just thought I'd mention: one thing to keep in mind with prose (-most of the time-, not always) is to cut out words that don't actually add anything to the meaning of the sentence. Like "Sophie huffed internally to herself" could probably be cut down to "Sophie huffed." If the lack of quotation marks aren't enough for you to imply it being internal, then keep either the "internal" or the "to herself" but not both. Just something to note in general. Sometimes you'll want to add redundancies to deliberately create a dragging feel to a sentence, but usually you want prose to be compact and forceful.
I look forward to seeing where this goes!